Just Shoot Me
You may remember how excited I was about the new wallpaper for our guest bathroom. Joe, the wallpaper guy, showed up the first day to do a "skim coat" to cover the texture on the wall. The next day, he started hanging the paper, but calls me to the bathroom to say that the two double rolls he had estimated would not be enough to finish the job. I sigh and tell him I'll order another roll. Then things went south - bigly. I notice that the strips he had put up were full of bubbles and wrinkles. He promises that these can be easily fixed. Right.
When I attempt to order another roll, I'm told that the pattern has been discontinued, but the helpful lady tells me that she will call around and try to locate one, which she does. Yay! I text Joe to schedule a time to finish the job. Once again, he tells me it will be perfect. Right. Three times, he promises to come and three times, he doesn't show. A threatening text message is sent, and his office doesn't return my call. I think I'm going to throw up.
I contact another installer. A very rotund man in white overalls with a bad limp and long stringy hair comes to the door. He takes one look and tells me that one double roll will not be enough to replace the messed up strips and cover the remaining areas. I'm pretty sure I don't want to hire him for the next installment. I want to scream.
So I get back on the phone to the place that sent me the last double roll and she tells me that "A New Leaf" is on back order and will be available in a couple weeks. Then I get an email from her saying that the company has decided not to reprint A New Leaf at all. OMG, just shoot me. I make more phone calls and finally learn that this paper has disappeared off the face of the earth. My husband helpfully remarks that this seems to mean more to me than it does him, it's just wallpaper and why don't we just paint the bathroom (and "we" means hiring a painter).
I finally give up, identify a new pattern and order four double rolls. The bathroom has now been a complete mess for going on six weeks and we'll have to strip off the paper that's already been installed. The towels, rug, shower curtain and hanging cabinet are in the guestroom for the duration. Even my grandchildren comment on the mess each time they visit. I'll hire paperhanger #3 as soon as I know when the order will come in and pray to the wallpaper gods that it goes right this time. Stay tuned.
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I'm Chris Barabasz, retired from a 35-year career managing communications for health care development (that's fundraising for you civilians). I'm a wife, mother, grandmother and freelance writer. My husband Andy and I moved from Delaware to Texas to be closer to our daughters and three adorable grandchildren.